Himerus and Eros
by The Luna Complex
Summary: Yes, it's true, you've brainwashed me and now I'm more confused... I still somehow hope I end up with you.


**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the flu and a bad headache. And my cute little Kirby breaker things. All the credit goes to Jo Rowling and The Spill Canvas.**

**Those of you who know the song, no smut. :) I don't know if you consider this a bad or good thing, but I don't write smut. So I left out some lyrics. Ah, well.**

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_You're captivating while evading  
All the questions I have for you like_  
"_What exactly makes you tick?"  
When the guilt sets in  
Tell me, what are we going to do?_

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"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"What _exactly_ makes you, you know, tick?"

James and Lily were situated together on the small couch in the Head's Common Room in front of the fire. It was late and the pair was having trouble sleeping.

"Lily?"

_You._

She shook the thought from her head.

They had recently moved from the enemy stage to the friendship stage, but that was all.

She wasn't supposed to be thinking that way.

"The moon's pretty tonight."

James mentally shook his head. It was adorable the way she'd avoid answering his questions, no matter how simple.

Lily fell silent, not answering his question, as she wandered into deep thought.

She honestly didn't deserve to be sitting here with him like this. All those years, she was terrible to him.

She constantly rejected him, put him down. She called him terrible names, scorned him in public. Yet, he was nothing but sweet to her.

She didn't deserve him as a friend, much less more.

Meanwhile, James found himself wandering into similar thoughts.

He spent years trying to get her attention... in the worst way possible.

He showed off in front of her, hexed her friends. He constantly pestered her, embarrassed her in public.

He didn't deserve to even be sitting next to her, much less anything more.

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_Your tongue is wet with a top-secret passion  
I hope I am the cause of it_

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James clenched his fist as her small, pink tongue flicked over her lips.

As clichéd as it sounds, he wished those were his lips.

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_And I fight the urge to explore  
The vastness of your curves I adore_

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James' entire body tensed as she laid her head on her shoulder.

When she looked up at him with that questioning gaze, he simply smiled and shook his head to say it was nothing.

But it definitely wasn't "nothing".

He was holding himself rigidly in check.

She had no idea how much he wanted to...

Don't finish that thought! 

No, they were just friends... if even that.

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_Yes, it's true  
You've brainwashed me and now I'm more confused  
I still somehow hope I end up with you  
Yes, it's true  
I romanticize every single thing I do  
Especially when it comes to you_

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He never understood how he could put up with her constant rejections.

He never understood why he still pursued her after all she'd put him through.

But, he did.

He loved her, and he had no idea why.

It was all so confusing to him. She was perfect to him in all her imperfections.

She _did_ have a reason for treating him the way she did, though.

He was a bit of a prick... more than a bit.

He couldn't help himself, though.

Around her, he just naturally romanticized every thing he did in hope of winning her over. Eventually, he got it through his thick teenage head that _that_ was not the way to go about things.

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_I've sunken in the quicksands of love  
And I don't want you to rescue me  
Screw what my supposed friends think  
It's obvious they reek of jealousy_

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He nearly shivered at the ecstasy of simply having the pressure of her head against his shoulder.

"_Mate, you're too far gone."_

"_Shove it, Sirius!"_

"_You've _got_ to let it go, James! She doesn't care. You're just going to get hurt in the end."_

Screw it.

He didn't care.

He was so taken with her, she could stab him in the chest, twist the knife, rip out his heart, and stomp it into the dirt and he would hand it back to her on a silver platter.

His friends didn't understand. They had never been in love.

"_It's just an infatuation, James," reasoned the voice of logic, Remus, "You'll get over it."_

He wouldn't know. Remus had never let himself get close to anyone romantically before.

"James, mate, you don't get it, do you? She hates you. Give it up! There are plenty of other more willing girls out there." 

Sirius didn't understand, either. To him, girls were nothing more than a plaything. He hadn't matured enough yet to see past the curves and makeup.

James mentally scoffed.

_They're probably jealous of me._

It would make sense.

Remus would envy any possible romantic relationship amongst his closest friends. He would envy the closeness he could never achieve with his... condition.

Although he would never admit it, Sirius would be jealous, as well. Even if he didn't show it, Sirius _did_ have the capability to act mature past his years, something someone his age shouldn't have to be. Sirius would never be able to push himself into a monogamous relationship, though, at risk of ruining the reputation he worked so hard to achieve.

It was all he could do to relieve himself of his terrible home-life... even if he _had_ temporarily escaped it.

He knew, though, that despite their constant irking about his infatuation, they would always support him, no matter what.

He sighed inwardly as he looked down on her sleeping figure.

Tomorrow was always another day.

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_You know, I hate you  
No, I hate you more  
You know, I love you  
No, I love you more_

**A/N: I had a bit of trouble ending this... don't mind me.**

**Yay Spill Canvas? I heard this song and immediately thought of Lily and James so I had to do it. I just had to. Review? Por favor?**

**Here are the lyrics I left out if you're curious:**

_(Your tongue is wet with top secret passion  
I hope I am the cause of it)  
I'll navigate this unsturdy vessel  
Through a soft sea of pillows and blankets_

_- _

_I hope to God I mean a little more  
Than the sounds that escape your tired 4 A.M. lips  
Oh, how I wish I meant a little more  
Than a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips_

**By the way, if you liked the lyrics to this song, I'd advise you to go listen to The Spill Canvas because they honestly win my award for "most quotable band". Especially "The Tide". I swear that's the only song that's ever made me cry. **


End file.
